Speak Easy

Wedding speeches are no longer just the comical cliché between the best man and groom or an emotional tribute between the bride and her father. They are now the central moment of your big day and a true reflection of your relationship. And, in a world where the majority of communication is done via electronics, the power of a perfect wedding speech has grown. The spoken word has a different type of connection and will define your relationship with people for years to come.

Heidi Ellert-McDermott, founder of Speechy (speechy.com) and the author of The Modern Couple's Guide to Wedding Speeches, tells us how the often-overlooked speeches can kick off your wedding with a bang, and how to achieve a cracker of a tear-jerking, laughter-inducing speech…

Learn modern speech etiquette
Etiquette is something many speakers struggle with, but “It’s simply a case of common sense and being polite,” says Heidi. You no longer need to address everyone as ‘ladies and gentlemen’. Likewise, there’s no need to hand out gifts during your speech (it may be better to do it privately) or for the groom to conclude his speech with a toast to the bridesmaids.

“Modern etiquette simply means welcoming your guests, paying tribute to your partner, the main wedding party and, if necessary, those who are dearly departed,” says Heidi.

Timing is everything
It turns out size does matter – especially when it comes to speeches. Ideally, the length of your speech should range from 1000 to 1300 words and, allowing for laughter and the occasional ad lib, you can deliver this in under 10 minutes. Whilst this may seem intimidating to begin with, time will fly. “You don’t want to skimp on your speech or give yourself an unrealistic word count target,” says Heidi. And rarely has anyone listened to a speech and said: “I wish it was longer”.

Make a joke within the first 30 seconds
“Humour is not the reserve of funny people,” says Heidi. “Neither should it be assumed that being funny is hard.” There’s no doubt that some people are just naturally funny, but that doesn’t mean the more introverted of speakers shouldn’t aim to make their audience smile (and this doesn’t mean a polite smile, but rather a warm, involuntary one).

Warming up with a light-hearted, inclusive joke within the first 30 seconds puts both you and your audience at ease – it is scientifically recognised that laughter is the true ‘social bonding juice’. Self-deprecating humour is always a winner and has been proven to make audiences warm more to the speaker.

Forget Googled gags
“If the joke could be used in someone else’s wedding speech, it shouldn’t be in yours,” advises Heidi. In fact, including even one Googled gag in your speech will take the shine off any of the original lines you’ve crafted and people may end up assuming you’ve stolen them all.

If speaking at your own wedding, relish the fact that no one else knows about all the weird and wonderful quirks and habits of your relationship. Give an insight into your differences, your strange similarities and those regular debates you have about how to load the dishwasher.

Giving an insight into your everyday relationship shows your love in action as well as adding humour and depth. Remember the adage ‘It’s funny because it’s true’ and find the natural comedy lurking in your life that everyone will relate to.

Stories not adjectives
“Telling a good story helps sync your mind with your guests. When people hear an engaging story, they put themselves in your shoes and that process forms a deeper connection,” states Heidi.

Collect a few of your favourite anecdotes to draw on, but remember, they don’t have to be long or extraordinary – they just need to reveal something special about the relationship. “We’re all born storytellers,” she says. “Don’t think you need to write War and Peace. The story of how you met can be just as entertaining, if not more, than any Tolstoy classic.”

Don’t begin with thank you
Every memorable speech begins by making the audience laugh, not by boring them with a bunch of random thank yous. Think of those Oscar speeches. The thanks yous are really only interesting if you’re one of the people being thanked!

“They can feel a bit too predictable,” explains Heidi. “Win over your audience first and then they’ll already have a smile on their faces before you get to the thank yous.”

Cut the clichés
Whether you want to make people laugh or pay a heartfelt tribute to them, you need to cut out the platitudes. Don’t thank your in-laws for ‘raising a wonderful person’, thank them for introducing you to Cat Chaos and South African Malbec.

When it comes to your parents, think of the joy they’ve brought to your life, rather than specifically what they’ve contributed to the wedding. Thank them for tolerating your desire to be a grime artist and never refusing to sit in the passenger seat even after you’d failed your driving test for the third time.

Be romantic, not cheesy
Despite what the rom coms suggest, you can be romantic without being cheesy. “To be genuinely romantic, you have to hunt down the things that make your partner them,” says Heidi. Leave out the obvious ‘soulmate’ and ‘best friend’ remarks and swap them for the traits and quirks that make your partner unique.

“Your speech has the power to leave an imprint on people’s hearts. It’s one of the most life-affirming gifts you can give someone; a recognition of how important they are to you,” Heidi concludes. ‘Make sure you say more than just wedding waffle!”

The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches by Heidi Ellert-McDermott is available now

All photography Alan Law Photography