While there are plenty of decisions to make when it comes to wedding planning, few are as enduring as the one concerning your name. Do you keep your current name, change it or choose something new? Whatever you decide, your choice will stay with you long after long after the last sparkler has fizzled out.
 
Taking the groom’s surname
Despite the wealth of options available, the tradition of a bride taking her groom's surname remains the most popular choice. Recent research from the UK Deed Poll Office reveals 85.66% of women changed their name last year (compared with 14.31% of men) and 90% of people who changed their last name chose a single name, adopting their spouse’s family name. In a world where it’s now acceptable to choose almost any conceivable name, why does this option of choosing the groom’s surname remain so popular?
 
“I guess I just loved the idea of sharing a name with my husband, as a way to join together as one and become a family together in our little unit,” says Sine Owen. “It also means that my children will have my exact name, and that's important to me. I adore his family and it feels like an honour to be a part of their family because they're so lovely.”
 
Joining together as a unit, having the same name as your children and honouring joining a new family are all wonderful reasons to embrace a name change. But what about giving up your own name? “There is some discussion about how you lose a part of your identity and that you should keep your name you were given by your parents,” says Sine. “But to me, I'm still the same person except now I have a new chapter within my identity and it comes with its own name and title.” 
 
Taking the bride’s surname
While still uncommon, more couples are embracing the idea of taking the bride’s surname. “Since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I would keep my name,” says Rosie Cotter. “I am the eldest of three girls and my dad is from New Zealand so I have always wanted to carry on the family name in England.” 
 
“It was really important to me that if we were to have our own family we all have the same name, therefore I was happy to change,” says her husband, Matthew Cotter. Matthew decided to keep his original family name for work, and he has an older brother who could potentially keep the family name. Nonetheless, this change of tradition was a surprise to some family members. Because the couple had discussed it for over a decade, they assumed their family would know. “We never formally sat down and discussed it, which was a mistake. I eventually had the conversation six weeks before the wedding,” says Matthew. “My dad took it the hardest. Fortunately, everyone is on board now, but it took a while. We don’t know anyone else who has taken their wife's name; they have either stuck with tradition or kept their own names.”
 
Keen to stick with the bride’s name? “Be very open and honest with the groom’s family as soon as you have made a firm decision on it,” says Matthew. “Take the time to explain your reasons and give them time to come to terms with the change in tradition. I think this is important, especially with parents as it is a new concept, and goes against their expectations.”  
Double-barrelling
Can’t decide on just one? Double-barrel your surnames! “For me, it was important I didn’t lose my identity and become someone ‘new’ by surrendering my surname,” says Rowena Blanchard-Heal. “I’d lived over 30 years of my life as a ‘Heal’ and was proud to have built friendships, a career and a reputation under that name,” 
 
But she also wanted to embrace her husband's family. “It needed to be a shared decision, as I wanted that commitment to be fair to us both – that our names were actually the same and it wasn’t just me bolting on his with no change for him,” she says. “Ultimately, we decided to double-barrel and now I love my new name… even if it is a mouthful!”
 
Rowena liked the fact it felt equitable, especially as they spent so long discussing it and committing to it together. But best of all, she liked that it allowed her to keep her own identity while still acknowledging the new family. “We don’t want children, so we didn’t have the complication of considering what that could mean for a generation of potential, multiple double-barrellers,” she added. 
 
Thinking of doubling up? “To women, I’d say, don’t assume you have to change your name. Really give it some consideration and think about what you’re most comfortable with. To men, I’d ask you to imagine how you would feel if everyone assumed your name would automatically change after marriage. Please use that to empathise with your future wife and consider her perspective – and whether double-barrelling feels a fair compromise for you both.” 
 
Choosing a new name
What about ditching both family names and coming up with something entirely different? 
Charlotte and Jake Lancaster considered all the options. “We couldn’t really double-barrel – Dickenson-Armes sounds like a pub!” says Charlotte. They considered hybrid names like ‘D’Armes’ and even trawled back through their family trees in search of family name they could possibly revive. In the end, they decided on a fresh start. 
 
“There used to be a tradition of being named after your profession or where you were from. We liked this and were lucky because we met in Lancaster. It sounds like a normal surname and suited both our forenames,” she says. 
 
The response from family and friends has been positive. “We kept it a surprise until the ceremony, so there was a big reveal moment. I think some were relieved that we’d gone for something normal – we'd joked that we’d picked six letters from a Scrabble bag as the new name. Quite a few people have been shocked but purely because they didn't realise that you could pick a new name and thought we’d broken a law!” she laughs. 
 
Interested in going your own way? “Be led by why you want to do it. For us, it was finding something that meant something to both of us and for our new family, rather than taking a name that only meant something to just one of us.” Just be prepared with your response to ‘why did you choose that name?’ because Charlotte says you will get asked it… a lot! 
 
Tom and Alex, who celebrated their marriage at Lusty Glaze, came up with a novel idea for choosing a new name. “We asked our guests to help us by asking for a suggestion on the RSVP cards,” says Tom. “Not long after the speeches were over, we revealed our new chosen family name – ‘Kerensa’, the Cornish word for love.”
 
It’s worth noting that if you come up with your own name, you’ll also have to change it by deed poll too, adding to the administrative load of name changing.  
 
Keeping your own names
Just 3.18% of people choose not to change their names, and my husband and I fell into this category. We chose to keep our own names for several reasons. I felt it unnecessary to change my name simply because I was getting married, and I had recently started my own business under the name. What’s more, my husband said Mrs Reed would forever be his granny to his mind! So, for those reasons, we decided to cross ‘change name’ off the wedding to-do list. 
 
But that was when I was 26 and without children. Now, seven? years later, we have two children with double-barrelled names and consequently we all have different names. Back then, I wouldn’t have thought this would have bothered me, but it does and we’re now in the process of changing our names, so we all have the same double-barrelled name. 
 
My advice for people keeping their own name is go for it! There is no rule saying you must have the same family name and if, like me and my husband, you change your mind, you can always revisit it in the future. 
 
Remember that choosing a surname is deeply personal. Names are packed with meaning, telling a story of who we are and where we've come from. Whether you opt for tradition or decide to tear up the rulebook, take time to consider what feels right for you. 
 
And if you’re going on honeymoon soon after your wedding, make sure your travels are booked in the name on your passport. It’s likely to be easiest to travel under your maiden name and officially change your name on your return. Less romantic, perhaps, but more practical!

words Abby Driver
illustrations Maria Taylor