Amongst all the shoulds, coulds and ‘what would Auntie Barbara think?’ worries, it can be easy for a wedding to lose its identity as your special day. Here’s how to do it your way
When it comes to wedding planning, there’s a lot that can get in the way of what you really, really want (to paraphrase the Spice Girls!). So post-engagement, before the scrapbook is dusted off and the planning becomes reality, it might be time to pause, reflect and think, as a couple, what do we really want on our wedding day?
Financing the fun
Budget is obviously a huge contender when it comes to planning a wedding. Although homespun ideas and the family seamstress may be able to work wonders and shave pounds off spiralling wedding costs, you still need some idea of overall spend before you commit to big day ideas you’ve been planning since primary school. Your budget will help anchor your plans so you have some idea of what is and isn’t possible, regardless of how many metres of spotty oilcloth and mix-and-match jam jars you may own. Parents may well offer financial gifts to help with the cost of the wedding day, but this shouldn’t be a green light for them to completely take over organising the day they want. If you don’t need any help financially, it might be wise to sit them down before plans escalate and explain that the wedding day you want isn’t in need of financial input – but explain what the day means to you and how you see your plans evolving.
Where on earth…
Location is also a biggie. Perhaps the glade you played in as a child is now a thriving community or on the side of an A road? You will, no doubt, have discovered new pastures as your life has moved on, so the I’m-Having-My-Wedding-Here promises you made to your besties in Year 6 may since have dissipated and new horizons emerged. It’s also imperative to remember that there are two of you in the relationship and wedding planning, as much as your partner may be keen to ensure all your dreams come true, is a joint business. If family properties or land have always been in the spotlight at family weddings and are offered up for your day, make it clear if the tithe barn at Grandma’s (as lovely as it is!) isn’t going to fit with your city-chic plans. However, it could be the perfect base for a hen do or even as a craft base if you’re DIY-ing your day.
Guest edit
The people you promised way back when that they’d be by your side as you said your vows; the friends you may have lost touch with over the years; the new family you are merging with. How do they all fit into your dream bijou bash in your local Michelin-starred restaurant? We all make promises – to ourselves and our loved ones, both vocally and unspoken – regarding life occasions. Family and friendship bonds can come with quiet expectation of all-inclusivity, but what if those nearest and dearest don’t fit into your newly acquired plans? What if you’re desperate for a celebration abroad but the costs associated with transporting both sides of the family to a ceremony overlooking the Balinese rice fields just aren’t feasible, or an elopement is the order of the day for you both? “Don’t be afraid to settle on a plan and merge your family and friends into it, rather than to try and shape your day into the day that suits other people,” advises Kate, a recently hitched bride.
If party size is an issue, why not consider a post-ceremony party at a different time and location. While traditionally wedding receptions follow the ceremony, you can separate the two and get the legalities done before the party if you have your heart set on a wedding abroad or a location that simply doesn’t suit your guest numbers. This allows you to enjoy the intimacy of the ceremony, while also giving the time and space for a good old celebration with family and friends.
Style it out
Weddings can often elicit serious feelings of nostalgia in our nearest and dearest, and heartfelt gifts and tributes can be a wonderful and generous gesture. But what if the hand-stitched veil that’s been passed down through generations of your family just doesn’t suit the above-the-knee shift you have fallen in love with and would look dazzling topped off with a birdcage fascinator? Think of ways to utilise any gestures that you would love to incorporate into your day but aren’t on your really-really-want list. How about displaying any treasured pieces that are gifted to you? Smaller items like jewellery can easily and discreetly be incorporated into your outfit, perhaps sewn inside, or even framed and placed on tables. For larger items like dresses and veils, we love the idea of a mannequin’s dummy as décor somewhere within your venue space, so those meaningful pieces are still a special part of your day.
Personal taste
When it comes to the menu, wedding sustenance ranges from the minuscule (canapé spoons) to the gigantic (hog roast), so choosing your flavour, without compromise, should be fairly easy. You may need to compromise for young children and elderly guests – particularly if mobility is an issue – as queuing at festival-style vans may not be conducive to a recent hip replacement. But don’t forgo flavour when you can incorporate your wants with your guests’ needs. Why can’t festival-style food be served at tables, for example, or if champagne and oysters sets your hearts aflutter, include a child-friendly alternative in the same seafood theme, like mini fish finger sandwiches or fish and chips in cones.
Most importantly, don’t be afraid to have the wedding day you want and try to discuss alternatives where you can. At the heart of any marriage is the couple and, if you can begin married life the way you really want, your guests won’t be able to help falling in love with your day, your way!
words Elizabeth Chester
Main image Enchanted Brides Photography
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